Mom- Not A Title I’d Ever Take Lightly!

If anyone doesn't know my story- I actually was childless for the first 11 years of marriage and despaired of having any kids after losing two in the beginning of pregnancy.  Halfway through a Master's and substitute teaching High School Elisabeth surprised me!  I spent the next 3 months in bed on my doctor's advice- we we're taking no chances.  I really expected her to be the only one! Then when she was 8 months old someone gave me a baby gift intended to keep track of her growing years but was actually for a pregnant mom.  I looked down and gasped, and I realized I was REALLY late and yes, I was pregnant!

Jonathan was a very special surprise and raising two toddlers at the same time was actually fairly easy after Elisabeth was born and she put everyone on a very precise time schedule!  Difficulties and diapers mean little when you've lost babies and suddenly are blessed with two!  Everyday for two years they would take a 3 hour nap (Mom playtime).  And they loved to play together.  It was a special "Winnie-the-Pooh" time.  I remember the livingroom cluttered from toys from end to end, and happy kids.

My Maggie was a late in life surprise.  I had forged on past 40 and kept on trying to have a child.  About 6 years later after my first two I had just come safely down off of climbing Pikes Peak with two friends.  One had got injured coming down, and we had to support her going down through the dark, on switchbacks with dropoffs on one side.  Her fiance was a Missionary with experience in the Himalayan mountains who led us off by holding our hands.  I remember vividly singing loudly to ward off mountain lions and the big black bear at the end of the trail the fiancee had to go around to get the car.  The next day I found out I was pregnant at 42!  Truly unexpected, but very welcome event!

So from childless to three, and no one ever has any clue what i went through before in my 20's and early 30's!  From surgery to miscarriages to letting go and lots of prayer.  But being a Mom will be to me always a special blessing and what I say was the time when the color in my world was turned on like the movie- "Pleasantville".

Prom

Oxford

Europe

Middlebury- Senior Presentation

 Maggie

                                      

Jon & Emily

 

 

Mom- I'll Be Missing You- Be Happy

What do you do when your Mom dies?  My mind knows it's for her best interests that she passed- she had Alzheimer's,

She had almost faded away.  She would of hated to know she was the way she was.  Always perfectly turned out- now not.

I embraced every time I could talk to her. Once a week my Dad and I would set a time for me to talk with her.  Our conversations would be simple- centered around the birds she could see out the window.  

Chickadees & Lilacs by Rosemary Millette

                                                                                                                                          

Her window which looked out onto a world all it's own- the Lake.  The large, huge Oak trees that were there, were large when I was small, when it was my grandfather's place, now were giants.   A green wonderland filled with so many birds and geese.  Filled with flowers that my Dad planted carefully to be just like my Mom had planted them before.  Her world.

 

I knew she was dying, but I think I thought subconsciously that there would always be another conversation, even though I hadn't talked to her since right before Christmas.  Hope is a funny thing- It's just hard to grasp it's over.  I want to hear her voice again.  It's just so silent.

If I could just remember it's just so much better for her not to be suffering anymore. 

 Disappearing, not even recognising family.  She would not of liked that.

I still knit her afghan, now not in prayer for her but consolation for myself.  And I stand before God- just silent, knowing He knows.  A line from my book kept coming up on my tablet- I guess I wasn't reading so fast!  "God doesn't make mistakes."  I asked that she would be taken.  And that God would have Mercy, and God wouldn't of taken her unless He knew it was time- not just because I asked.  He doesn't make mistakes.

 I'm listening to music- I love it, the song "Smile" just came on.
  "Smile though your heart is aching.  Smile even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by- if you smile through your fears and sorrows. Smile it may be tomorrow, you'll see the sun come shining through, for you.  Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness, although a tear may be ever so near. That's the time you must keep on trying, what's the use of crying?  You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile.  That's the time you need to keep on trying.  Smile what's the use of crying? You'll find life is still worthwhile if you still just smile."

That's something I forgot about my Mom.  You couldn't be negative around her.  Negativity was not encouraged and always positive views found.  I kind of keep that tradition going, but I forgot she was the one to start.  It just wasn't acceptable to talk about the negative- I always knew that from her.

So tomorrows another day.  Yes a day without her to call.  Somehow I need to find my smile.  To carry on and know that she's alright where she is.  Having Faith in this moment too.

Mom I'll always love you.

Help me to remember your example of doing, serving others, cooking, baking, creating, growing things, being content in your life at Home.

To Be Happy & Positive,

I'll miss you.

Mom.

I hope Mozart is playing where you are, birds are swooping and calling and the colors of the lake and sun and trees are sparkling for you- that God has a very special place for you to now call Home.  It must be filled with lots of flowers!

Sunset Lake Forest Trees Miniature Painting by IM

Quotes To Hold On To for Inspiration

Thought of the Day:

"In the cellars of the night, when the mind starts moving around old trunks of bad times, the pain of this and the shame of that, the memory of a small boldness is a hand to hold."- John Leonard, critic (Feb 1939-2008)

The Words of Joan of Arc

I am intrigued with this quote and if it were not for the blood part I would take it as my own mantra:

"Get up tomorrow early in the morning, and earlier than you did today, and do the best that you can. Always stay near me, for tomorrow I will have much to do and more than I ever had, and tomorrow blood will leave my body above the breast."

Joan of Arc

                                                                              

    

 Her words make me want to know more about her:

"You say that you are my judge; I do not know if you are; but take good heed not to judge me ill, because you would put yourself in great peril."

Joan of Arc

                                                                    Muddycolors blog on how it was painted

I think to judge whoever Joan of Arc was or if she saw Visions is to judge her; and really one could only judge her as sincere, a believer, having faith and whether she saw the visions or they were real in any way is less important as she believed in them & God and in the end did great good.  She actually changed the course of history and if not for her perhaps France would not of been restored.  She was obviously valiant and courageous and later during her trial proven wise.  I think her own words warn of judging her harshly- "You say that you are my judge; I do not know if you are; but take good heed not to judge me ill, because you would put yourself in great peril."

More of Joan of Arc: Wikipedia-Joan of Arc

The Real Joan of Arc Who Was She?

A List of Historically Famous Women:

Historynet Famous Women in History

Factmonster- Women Who Left Their "Stamps" on History

100 Most Important Woman - A Girl's Girl Scout Project 

Myhero- Essays on Historically Famous Women

US History.com- Important & Famous Women in America

More Reading-

Biographyonline- Women Who Changed The World

Great Women Biographies