This is a random compilation of my thoughts this week.
I do believe in a heaven. I think of that movie "What Dreams May Come" and a heaven where it seemed like you were in a Monet painting, the colors, the paint dripping around you, rich and intense, the overwhelming beauty.
The Bible talks of a New Earth and and New Kingdom that we will walk in. That's what I look forward to. Where there is no pain or suffering.
I had my much awaited doctor's visit to find out why my leg was shrinking and in intense pain. I found out my back isn't the problem, my hip might be. More x-rays, to go with the MRI and now I need to find an Orthopedic who'll take Medicaid. Sigh.
Everyone before this had said it was a bulging disk. But this is the first specialist I have been able to see and he showed me my MRI and said yes there's normal wear for my age and a bit of a bulge but it isn't bad enough for surgery and I can see there's room and it isn't pressing on anything. I'm just a bit confused now. But he thinks it's a problem centered on my hip. I should be happy, who wants surgery. But I've come to the point where if it ends the pain and inability to walk, I'm all for it. But there's no surgery to be done.
My husband says I should be happy were moving forward. Hum, hard to tell.
A P.S., because it seems so incomplete without one. Yes, I did see a hip specialist. And that was the problem, a hip that disintegrated through Arthritis over a short time. My hip was replaced and the pain never came back along my leg. I didn't want to believe it'd be the cure, but that was most of my problems. Working on PT so I can walk better; I need to be better about the exercises. But I walk along the hiking trail a few days a week. My goal is everyday. And I did the Carry, a mile long trail between lakes twice, once into camp and back. With my kids walking with me the whole way. Just walking, without pain is a miracle, I'm thankful, but it's also a hard thing to grasp how bad it was and how normal I feel now. Like it was just a bad dream. Counting my Blessings, not everyone has medical problems that can be reversed. Wishing all did.