Friday, February 17, 2017

Very Random Thoughts

This is a random compilation of my thoughts this week.

On Heaven:

I do believe in a heaven.  I think of that movie "What Dreams May Come" and a heaven where it seemed like you were in a Monet painting, the colors, the paint dripping around you, rich and intense, the overwhelming beauty.

     I had my much awaited doctor's visit just to find out my back isn't the problem, my hip might be.  More x-rays, to go with the MRI and now I need to find an Orthopedic who'll take Medicaid. Sigh.  

     Everyone before this had said it was a bulging disk. But this is the first specialist I have been able to see and he showed me my MRI and said yes there's normal wear for my age and a bit of a bulge but it isn't bad enough for surgery and I can see there's room and it isn't pressing on anything.  I'm just a bit confused now.  But he thinks it's a problem centered with the hip.  So I had a whole series of x-rays too. But now I have to find a different specialist. Maybe that's for the best, an Ortho something, but a bone specialist, because I want a second opinion on my back also. 

     OK, so this is what's frustrating. Usually I have had normal insurance but because I don't have a job, we were offered Extended Medicaid through Obamacare, we didn't ask for it, or expect it, but there it was one day and I started to have chest issues and basically I was prescribed a $300 a month pills. Hum, not into pills, but I had pain and it was a new Staten that quieted my veins in my chest, the Dr. told me and it works, no pain. And it lowers my 300 plus cholesterol.  So Medicaid covers 100 percent, I pay a buck for it. And if I go to my main doctor, my appt is a few dollars.  All good. 

     But I found out many doctors don't get compensated much, so if you want a specialist, good luck finding one.  I did by checking out a neurologist, hoping squished nerves.  He takes Medicaid, but because few do there is a long line of customers.  Hence the wait.  I now want to, when we can afford it, maybe get regular insurance.  I don't like being put on a long list and not finding doctors.  

(Just so you know I'm writing this for me, not just you, I'm upset and I feel like I'm back where I started, therapeutic writing!). 

     OK, so for example, I went to get a steroid shot in my back, but because of Medicaid I could not see that specialist who did it!  I had to go back to my primary who's a nurse practitioner and she says to me: so what did the doctor tell you you had to do?  I don't know, she didn't know.  Just a total disconnect.  I didn't want to waste time on shots that seemed not to help.  I figured if surgery was a permanent solution, I'd go for it, so I can walk. Hum, not happening. I should be happy, who wants surgery. But I've come to the point where if it ends the pain and inability to walk, I'm all for it.  But there's no surgery to be done.

     My husband says I should be happy were moving forward. Hum, hard to tell.  But well see.  Medicaid while great for basics, ends up a labyrinth of mostly closed doors to specialists.

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